So this is my story, which has made me who I am today. The journey that I have been on that has got me where I am today was scary, unbelievable, incredible, depressing, hurtful and beautiful. I am stronger than ever and have never been so happy in my entire life than I am now. The path that I took on my journey was filled with plenty of ups and downs to say the least, but nevertheless it has made me so strong and determined to succeed and couldn’t be more thankful for taking the path that I did. I learnt so much a long this treacherous journey which taught me so many things that I will always cherish.
Since as long as I can remember I was bullied. I was a victim of bullying. In pre-primary school I was victimised by school kids for being a tomboy. I used to wear a Spiderman outfit to school (I was only 5 years old) and the kids teased and name called me non-stop. I used to come home crying every day after school. Then, once I reached primary school at the age of 6 years old the bullying continued up until grade 7. The kids used to throw away my invitations to birthday parties as well as name call me and belittle me non-stop. The bullying got so bad that I used to come home and wish I could sleep forever and just die. As harsh as it sounds, that was the way I started feeling – I felt like I was absolutely nothing and I was worthless. I went to plenty of psychologists but I disliked going to them and they didn’t seem to help me with how to deal with the bullying. My parents were even going to take me out of that school and take me to another school to finish my grade 7, but I didn’t want to let the bullies get the better of me.
I actually became friends with my “bullies” eventually. They stopped the name calling and belittling until I had my own voice. I had been through so much, I wasn’t going to let people walk all over me ever again. I started standing up for myself and that’s what made me stronger than ever. Instead of saying ‘yes’ to everything and everyone I was able to put my foot down and say ‘no’.
Then it was high school, oh how amazing it felt to get out of that horrible environment I was in for so many years. It felt like a whole new start to my life; new friendships, new memories, new chapter of my life – it was the best feeling ever. Shortly, a year into high school I started developing some sort of hatred towards myself. I began thinking I was never good enough for anything or anyone. I thought I was worthless and at times I was so depressed all I wanted to do was come home after school and sleep and hibernate from the world. I wished I could go to sleep forever and never wake up again – these were the darkest times of my life, no one deserves to go down this dark road that can suck you in so deep you may never come out.
I developed bulimia in grade 9 because of this hatred I had towards myself, it was a way of controlling the way I felt. It made me feel better about myself. It was a sense of control. I formed this love/hate relationship with food. I used to throw up after every single meal or whenever I ate something bad and I felt guilty about it. I used to starve myself on days on end and then I would sometimes binge eat. I used to over-exercise and used to obsess about the way I looked and weighed. Constantly obsessing over other women’s bodies. I used to look in the mirror and see this fat, ugly girl that was nothing and worthless. I was weighing about 48kgs which was a very unhealthy weight for my BMI. This went on until grade 11, when one day I was purging and had an epiphany. I knew if I carried on I would be seriously ill and could get sucked so deep into that dark road that I may never find myself again. I started eating normally again after this realisation, but because I deprived my body from so many carbohydrates; I started the binge eating which became bad until I knew this could not go on. From the binge eating I had started weighing 54kgs which is still pretty normal but was unhappy with that at the time.
After all those years of self-hatred and obsession, I finally found this balance and a healthy relationship with food which gained my interest in the fitness world. Thanks to my friends and family who supported me and helped me through my dark times. This all leads to who I am today – I am currently working abroad as a stewardess/ personal trainer onboard superyachts travelling the world. In-between working abroad and being home, I run my bootcamp called ‘Get Fit Bootcamp’ for the ladies that want to join for a month or so depending on how long I am home for. I am in-love with the fitness world and living a healthy and active lifestyle. This has become my life and I have learnt to find a balance within it and sharing my story in the hopes of inspiring others who are going through something similar.
My journey as an exercise specialist is the most incredible road ever and I couldn’t have chosen a better path to take in my life. My dream is to help people achieve their desired goals mentally and physically in the most balanced way. I believe in a balanced lifestyle and this is what I live by. I don’t believe in being an extremist when it comes to your health; physically and mentally. It’s all about the balance. I believe that it is important to listen to what your body needs and to treat it as your temple because at the end of the day, we only have one, so let’s treat it like gold.